


Emptiness

by yrrosoban



Series: Me & You (Ghost fic) [2]
Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, Disappearance, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Nomin best friends, Noren, Sad Ending, ghost au, nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28651542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrrosoban/pseuds/yrrosoban
Summary: The story of Jaemin's disappearance.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: Me & You (Ghost fic) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099700
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Here comes the backstory of [Rewrite The Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/new)
> 
> Second part of [Me & You](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099700) series.

_**"I feel this unrest** _   
_**That nests all hollowness** _   
_**For I have nowhere to go and I'm cold..** _

_**And I feel so lonely** _   
_**There's a better place than this** _   
_**Emptiness"** _

For the umpteenth time Jaemin checked the time on his phone. 

Jeno was late. 

It was their 1st movie night after the finals, & Jeno was late to this even though Jaemin had reminded him about it again & again in the morning. 

Annoyed Jaemin picked up his phone, & dialed the number he knew by heart. 

Ring..ring..ring..ring…ring…. 

Disconnected. 

Jeno didn't pick up. 

Worried, Jaemin then called Mark. Their senior friend. May be Jeno was stuck with something. May be Mark knew. 

Ring..ring..rin- 

"Jaem?" 

"Hey hyung... Do you happen to know where's Jeno? It's our movie night, & he's already 40min late." Jaemin whined. 

"Uh...Jaem.. He.." Mark was hesitating & Jaemin felt his heart already drop down in his stomach. 

Mark didn’t say anything yet, but Jaemin felt like he knew the answer. But still he waited for Mark to slap the reality on his face. 

"....he's on a date Jaem." 

Jaemin let out the breath he was holding back as his eyes automatically closed on their own to stop the tears from falling. 

Jaemin wasn't that weak to cry over a date. It must be the stress from the finals. 

"He went out... With that Chinese transfer student.... Huang something, I don't really remember correctly" 

"Renjun... It's Huang Renjun hyung..." 

"Oh yeah... Renjun.. I totally forgot" Mark tried to laugh it off, but Jaemin felt like Mark was mocking him. 

For nexy few seconds Jaemin kept silent, trying not to give away the fact that he was indeed crying over a date. 

"Hyung.... Did u see him? Did you see Renjun?" Suddenly Jaemin asked monotonously making the other go silent for a few seconds. 

"Yeah.... Jeno.. He kinda brings the kid with him in the practice everyday..." 

_Oh...._ _He never told me…_

"He must be very pretty, right hyung? Also a bit shorter than Jeno? Also a bit petite may be?" 

"....Did u you see him Jaem?" 

"No... Nono never brought him to meet. Neither took me there..." Jaemin replied softly. 

"Wait-then how....how do u know what he's like?!" Mark was confused. 

Jaemin wanted to laugh at the question. The answer was clear as water. 

"Because that's Jeno's type. Renjun is everything that I am not hyung.... " 

It was around 11pm when Jaemin heard the front gate opening. Jaemin didn’t get up nor looked at Jeno's direction when Jeno walked inside the living room. 

"Hey Nana! What are you doing here? Isn't it your anime time?" 

Jeno causally asked as he walked to the open kitchen space & poured himself a glass of water. Jeno glanced toward the other male when he didn’t get a reply. He found it odd, Nana being silent was neither omething normal nor Jeno preferred it. 

Something must have happened for Nana to act like this. 

With that thought in his mind Jeno walked toward the pink haired male before flopping down on the couch beside Jaemin. 

"Hey... What happened?" 

Silence. 

"Nana.....?" 

Silence. 

"You won't even tell me? Your Nono?" Jeno tried to act cute knowing him being cute was Nana's weakness. 

But this time Jaemin didn't even look at his direction. Alarm went off in Jeno's mind when Jaemin wordlessly got up & walked inside his room before locking the door shut. 

Something was very wrong here. 

Worried Jeno followed the younger but had to stop when he found Jaemin had locked the door from inside. 

Jaemin never locked door. 

Worries crowded up Jeno's mind as he started to knock on the door asking if Jaemin was okay again & again. 

But he was bluntly ignored every time. 

Frustrated & worried Jeno pulled out his phone & called Mark. 

"Hell-" 

"What happened to Nana?" 

"Huh?!" 

"He's not talking to me. Not responding to anything I say to do! He's not even looking at me!" 

"May be he's just tired? After all his finals were just over." Mark tried to reason out. 

& for a moment Jeno wanted to believe Mark's word. May be he would've believed it if he didn't know his Nana like the back of his hand. 

"No...it's not the exam. It's something else...I'm sure of it!" 

Jeno heard Mark sigh as he muttered something on the other side of the phone. 

"Listen... I know it isn't my place to spill about Jaemin's....feelings...but.." 

"But?" Jeno frowned, not liking the idea of Mark knowing something about Jaemin, that Jeno didn't know yet. 

“God! You're hopeless Jeno..... Nana told me today was you guy's movie night? & he'd been waiting for you the whole time... He even called me worried, asking if I knew where your were…” 

Now that Mark spilled everything Jeno noticed the two bowls of popcorn on the table in middle of living room. The blankets & pillows on the floor. Jaemin's favorite plushy & Jeno's new neck pillow on the side. A bunch of DVDs lying over the blanket. 

All Jeno's favorite movies. 

Jeno felt a pang his heart as soon as he realized he forgot about their movie night & went out on another date with his crush. 

He forgot Jaemin. His best fiend. 

Jeno stood in front of Jaemin's closed door as he requested Jaemin to open the door. 

But Jaemin didn't respond to anything. 

Guilty Jeno walked inside his room before he sent a small text to the younger hoping Jaemin would at least read it. 

Jaemin was lying down, as he finally noticed Jeno had stopped knockng the door. 

He felt bad for treating Jeno like this. 

But Jaemin was a human too. He was hurt too. He needed space for himself too. 

Suddenly his phone screen lit up with a small "ping!". 

A message from Jeno. 

Jaemin hesitantly opened the message. & almost cried again when he read the three words. 

"I am sorry” 

The tension between the two of them only increased with passing time. 

The next morning came with a lot of apologies & Jeno's continuous try to make the younger smile again. & to a point it worked because Jaemin could never stay upset with Jeno. 

He eventually forgives Jeno for last night & they spent the whole day together watching movies, playing games. 

But in all these familiarities, something was different. & Jeno noticed it too. 

Suddenly Jaemin stopped being clingy, stopped doting on him like a mother hen. He even lessened spending his free times with Jeno saying he wanted to make new friends. 

Jeno should have been happy about Jaemin finally deciding to make new friends, but he wasn't. As weird & selfish it sounded, Jeno did had a thought that Jeno alone was enough for Jaemin. 

Jeno started to notice Jaemin spending less & less time with him. 

& it hurt. It upset him bad. 

So, a few weeks after their movie fight Jeno suddenly snapped. 

& Jeno regretted his whole life for this. 

"Nana? Can we talk?" 

Jaemin looked up from his phone to the male in front of him. Confusion was evident in his face but still nodded, patting the space next to him for Jeno to sit. 

But Jeno sat straight across the other. Locking their eyes for a few seconds before he started talking. 

"What happened to us Nana?" 

Jaemin frowned at the question, making Jeno sigh. 

"We...we are not same Nana.... " Jeno paused, trying to word his emotions better. "I feel like we're drifting apart. I feel like you are pushing me away from you somehow." Jeno stopped & Jaemin looked away. 

"If it's me about forgetting our movie Night still, then I am really sorry Nana. But how long are u gonna stay upset because of that?!" Jeno asked upset & frustrated, both. 

Jaemin shook his head in denial. He wasn’t upset with Jeno anymore. 

"It's not you Jen.. It's just me...I-" Jaemin looked at Jeno before averting his eyes away again. 

"I just need some space." 

Jeno frowned at that. Why? What happened for Jaemin to need space From Jeno? Jeno racked his mind for any possible reasons but couldn’t find one. Which just made him more frustrated, which was now slowly turning into anger. 

"You say it's not me, but then u say u need space from me. It sounds funny Nana. It really sounds funny right now." Jeno humorlessly chuckled making Jaemin flinch. 

"It's really not abo-" 

"CAN YOU JUST COME TO THE POINT JAEMIN? IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE THEN TELL ME DIRECTLY! WE DON'T NEED TO FORCE OURSELFTO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE!" 

This was the first time Jeno yelled at Jaemin. First time he thought Jaemin was forcing himself to be friends with Jeno. 

Jaemin felt anger bubbling inside of him. 

Was guarding his heart that bad?! 

"Jeno... I never said anything like THAT. Never meant anything li-" 

"Then what are you doing?! Avoidin-" 

"I AM JUST GUARDING MY HEART JEN! I AM JUST GUARDING MY HEART FROM GETTING MORE HURT!" 

Tears were now falling from Jaemin's eyes as he stared back at Jeno, who seemed frozen on his spot. 

"I'm just trying move on from you. Is that too much?” 

Jaemin forced down the sob trying to come out as he whispered the last part. 

"I love you...a lot...more than a friend Jen. Can't you love me back too? Then I won't have to guard my heart anymore Jen… I won't have to stay away from you anymore…” 

Jaemin's broken voice rung inside the apartment & Jeno's mind. 

Silence enveloped them as soon as Jaemin said that. 

Jaemin stared at Jeno with the last bit of his remaining hope, that he didn't even knew was hiding somewhere in his heart. 

& Jeno. He stood frozen. Not knowing what to do. What to say. He felt his heart beating so loud that he thought Jaemin could also hear it. 

"N-Nana...I-" 

"I loved you for so long Jen" Jaemin stopped the older, feeling the need to let out his all feeling, give his best shot that was possible at this moment. 

"For years Jen. Since the little me understood what love is." a small smile stretched on Jaemin's thin lips as he remembered telling his mom he loved Jeno when he was just 12. His mom laughed, told him Jeno loved him too. Jaemin then shook his head hard. & told his mom, he loved Jeno like his mom loved his dad. He loved Jeno like he wanted to get married to Jeno when they would grow up. 

But now, here he was... Still confessing, not knowing what would happen. 

"I loved you all these years, while we grew up together. While I saw you crushing on different people.... " Jaemin's voice wavered. 

"I loved you when told me you were in love with Yeeun. I loved you when you cried because Yeeun broke it off. I loved you when you said you didn't need anyone other than me. But in the end you found someone else again. You fell in love with someone again while I kept loving you from behind.” 

Jaemin felt his heart ache remembering the time when Jeno first brought up Renjun's name in front of him. How jeno's eyes were sparkling, how Jeno described every single details about Renjun. Jaemin should've known Jeno wouldn’t look back at him then. But still like an idiot, like a blind man he kept walking on the path of his one sided love. 

"I loved you when you said you were gonna make it official with Renjun. I loved you when you were upset because Renjun wanted time. I loved you when you forgot to love yourself because of someone else Jen." 

Jaemin saw tears escaping from Jeno's eyes. 

"I still love you... I still wanna think that my dreams would come true one day. I still wanna get married to you someday... Have our own house... You can make it.... While I can decorate it... May be going on some late night dates, or may be staying home spending time with each other after a shitty workday. It's all a big “maybe”... Until you return my feelings back... 

So I'm asking you now Jen. Can you ever....love me back?" 

Jaemin stared at Jeno who suddenly took a step back, causing a crack in Jaemin's bleeding heart. 

"Nana.....I-I'm sorry Nana... I-" Jeno took a huge breath trying to calm himself down. Trying to pick up his words. 

He looked back at Jaemin. & felt his heart hurt at the sight of his Nana being so vulnerable. His Nana was strong, always... For himself... For Jeno... 

But today he almost looked like a ghost of that Nana. All because of him. 

All because Jeno never realized the younger's selfless love for him. Jeno was selfish, so busy thinking about his life his... Love....that he forgot to look back at Jaemin... Who had been there for him...from the beginning to now. He couldn’t hurt Jaemin like that anymore. He needed to be selfish one last time & let Jaemin go completely. He didn’t want Jaemin to suffer anymore. 

"I can't Nana..... I'm sorry.... I can't look at you like that....I can't..... Return your feelings.." 

Jaemin knew what to expect, he knew Jeno would never look back at him. But hearing directly from Jeno hurt. It hurt so much that Jaemin felt someone tearing his heart open. 

He averted his eyes from Jeno's sad ones. He tried to look at anything anyone that wasn't Jeno. He tried breath without his heart burning, but failed miserably. 

He needed to leave. Now. 

Jaemin hastily wiped the tears from his face & pocketed his phone before briskly walking toward the main door. 

He needed to leave. He couldn't be with Jeno now. He needed to- 

"Nana!" 

Jaemin felt a hand on his wrist stopping him from stepping out from their shared apartment. 

He looked back only to see Jeno looking back at him with panic evident in his face. 

”Nana...Where- Don't... Please don't leave.." 

Jaemin wanted to stay, when he saw Jeno looking at him as if he was scared. But he couldn't. He needed a break. A while away from the older, his first love. 

He needed to move on. & Jaemin....for once in his life felt the need to be selfish. 

"I need it Jen.. Please... I need a...break... A bit time until... Until I can stop loving you....please" 

The hurt in his voice must have been clear enough to make Jeno take a step back. 

Jaemin felt the grip on his wrist loosened as Jeno stared back at him with tears running down his face. 

"Will....will you come back?" 

Jaemin smiled at that, a small one. 

_"Of course Jen. I will come back. We're best friends. I'm not leaving you ever..."_

But that turned out to be the biggest lie Jaemin had ever told Jeno. 

Jaemin never came back. 

7days of Jaemin's disappearance. Jaemin were no where to be found. 

When Jaemin didn't comeback after a day, Jeno went to look for Jaemin back in their hometown. & found out that Jaemin never went back to home after their argument. Worry filled Jeno's heart & mind as he contacted every single person associated with Jaemin. But none of them knew where he was. 

Jeno was going crazy at the fourth day. No news of Jaemin. Did Jaemin lie to him? Did Jaemin lie that he'd be back? Was he that mad at Jeno, that he disappeared from everyone's life, so that Jeno couldn't find him? 

Jeno spent days looking for Jaemin every where & nights in Jaemin's room in their apartment. He didn’t care if Jaemin didn't want to see him. He needed Jaemin with him. He wanted his best friend back. He would even learn to love Jaemin more than a friend, if that was the only way to keep Jaemin in his life. He'd try. & if it's Jaemin, Jeno knew he would succeed. 

Jaemin was easy to love. From the very beginning. 

Jeno just needed to change the way he loved Jaemin. 

Then they could make it work together. They could live Jaemin's dreams of them together. & dream new ones....together. 

**7th day of Jaemin's disappearance** **…**

Jeno stared at the white envelope in his hand as Jaemin's mom & Mark sat in front of him. 

"Go Jeno... We're here to look for Jaemin.." 

But Jeno didn't want to. 

"He'd be upset Jeno, when he comes back & finds out you let go of your dream because of him... He'd be mad..." Mark said this time, "& you definitely don't want a mad Jaemin. You know how he hides away every time when he's mad. Just like now." 

True. But Jeno didn't care about it. He wasn't gonna let Jaemin go once he comes back. Who cared if Jaemin would be mad at him. 

"You can't let Jaemin feel upset than you've made him Jeno." 

Jeno flinched at Mark's tone. 

"Don't make him feel like he's the one dragging u back. Don't do this to him. Don't do this to yourself." 

That night Jeno spent the time looking through every memory of him & Jaemin together. He laughed at some memory, also cried at some. 

The apartment was empty without Jaemin beside him. & it was starting to make him paranoid, scared. 

It made him feel empty. 

"Nana..... It's hard....without you here... I'm not used to this... I'm not used to be without you....please come back...so that we can start anew." 

But the end Jeno left, for NYC on the 9th day. He was already late, so his parents booked him a flight immediately. 

Jeno glanced back at the empty apartment one last time, imagining Jaemin sitting on the couch playing games on his phone. 

He shook his head... He was going crazy.. 

"Wait for me Nana... I'll be back... We can then make it work..." 

With that Jeno stepped out with his luggage closing the door to their apartment; not noticing there was actually a boy with pink hair sitting on the couch with a sad smile, hanging on to the promise that just Jeno made. 

Life was cruel. This universe was cruel. To the kindest & innocent people like Jaemin. & Jeno learnt it a hard way. 

Just the day after he reached NYC, the news of Jaemin's death was all over the SNS. 

_"Hit & run. Then body thrown into a lake."_

Just like that Jaemin was taken away from Jeno. Jeno lost his Nana forever. 

Since the time Jeno found out about the news, & Jaemin's mom verified it on call.... Jeno kinda stopped living. He stopped trying to live. Everything reminded of him about his Nana. Every simple thing. 

He couldn’t sleep at night, because all he could see in his dreams was Jaemin's crying face before he left the apartment that night. 

Jeno felt suffocated. He felt he'd die any moment from the longing for his Nana. 

Then came the news of Jaemin's funeral. Jeno didn't had the courage to see them burying Jaemin 6ft under. He didn't had the strength to be strong. He didn't want to be strong. 

But then suddenly Renjun & Mark were in front of his door in NYC, to take him back to his Nana. 

It was hard. It was painful. But Jeno couldn't cry. Nor he could say a word to Jaemin. 

When everyone left the cemetery, Jeno stayed back. Sitting on the ground, leaning on the tombstone of Jaemin's grave silently. He blankly stared in front of him with an empty heart & a mind full of Jaemin's memory. He still hoped someone would come & say it all was a mistake… may be a prank… tell him that his Nana was alive.. Breathing.. Still upset with Jeno. Jeno swore he'd do anything & everything to bring Nana back with him then… 

But time passed, & the tiny sprout of hope withered away. It was almost closing time, when Renjun came looking for him to take him back. 

Jeno took one last glance at the place where he was leaving behind his soulmate, his best friend, his Nana. & walked away with his empty heart & half of his soul buried under the earth. 

Renjun stayed back, watching Jeno walking away like a lifeless person. 

"He loved you. More than anything. It's just...he never realized. You were a constant in his life, so he never thought he could lose you. In our dates all he could talk was about you. It made me realize... That I came between two soulmates...that's why I asked for time. Hoping he would realize that it wasn't me. It had always been you, that he wanted. I know it's late. But please know.. He loved you more than anything...& will love you until his last breath.... & he'll realize it one day." 

Renjun asked Jeno if he wanted to go back to his apartment. Jeno said no. 

Jeno didn't wanna go back to the place where his Nana wouldn't come back. He didn't had the strength to face the mocking emptiness in that apartment. He couldn't handle Jaemin's memory. 

So like a coward Jeno left for NYC the same night. 

**8yrs later.....**

"I'm bored Mr. Butterfly" Jaemin pouted at the blue butterfly that somehow came inside the apartment. For 8yrs Jaemin had been here in this empty apartment. Waiting for a certain person to come back as he promised to. 

Jaemin was tired of staying in the same place. But motivated himself everyday with a hope that Jeno never lied to him. So even if it took Jeno 50yrs to come back, Jaemin would wait for him. 

His train of thought was disrupted when he heard a sudden noise coming from the entrance. If Jaemin's heart could beat he knew it would've beaten the loudest that moment. 

He stared with glossy eyes at the front, & finally saw the person he had been waiting for past 8 years. 

Jeno took a deep breath before pushing open the door to his old apartment in Seoul. The very same apartment he shared with Jaemin years ago. 

Everything hit him like a truck. It was still the same. Just like he left it after Jaemin.... 

"DADA! IS THIS OUR NEW HOME?!" 

Jeno smiled at his 5yrs old son, Jisung who ran passed him & hopped on the dusty couch earning a scold from Renjun. 

Yes, Jeno got married to Renjun 6years ago. They finally made it work. Renjun gave him a reason to live his life when Jeno lost his. 

"Yes baby..We'll be staying here from now on!" 

**Next day.....**

"Dada! I made a new friend!" Jisung exclaimed as he took another bite of his dinner. 

"Yeah? Who's it?" Jeno asked while sending a smile toward Renjun who said something about needing to bring Jeno's cats here soon. 

"His Name is Nana! & he's very pretty!" 

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me <3
> 
> [Nabo’s here!](https://curiouscat.me/yrrosoban)


End file.
